Unconventional Humor

Some cold winter weekend lessons:

I learned that if you squeeze a water bottle that's half frozen in your car, the plastic might be extra brittle and break, and that the half unfrozen part might spill on everything, mostly into your cupholder if you're lucky. The solution to this could be to just put the broken bottle back in the cupholder and forget about it. Because then when you get in your car Monday morning, and everything is fully frozen, you just pull the broken plastic water popsicle out of the cupholder, and throw it away.

Bonus: It may or may not take the crumbs that were in your cupholder with it, leaving your cupholder cleaner than it was the day you bought the car.

* * * *

I learned that plaster walls are the serious downside to old home ownership. I built a custom display rack in the living room for Dan's records, which turned out absolutely awesome. Unless you sort of pound on it, and then you might notice that plaster falls out of the screw holes. la le la le.

Solution: Don't pound on that.

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I learned that I have done enough house projects with a jigsaw that never should have been done with a jigsaw to justify the purchase of a miter saw.  I am very excited about buying a miter saw.

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I learned that my dog and my cat might have been born with matching tuxedo fur outfits for a reason. #whosaidromanceisdead

I learned that trying to follow a 12 row knitting pattern while watching a particularly dramatic and creepy episode of Dr. Who might cause your knitting to turn out very maniacal. Unless you're into the pattern I invented, which I dubbed the "Help me, fuzzy caterpillars of all erratic shapes and sizes are attacking my scarf" pattern. Coming to a knitting club near you.

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I learned that eating whatever you want over the holidays makes you gain three pounds. GRRR.
And so, I made the following mostly healthy meals:

Albacore tuna over romaine lettuce with cranberries, pecans, and apple cider vinegar.
Moroccan Chicken with Dried Apricots over Jasmine Rice
Tuscan White Bean Soup with Pancetta

And Sunday morning I was going to make breakfast, but instead we went to Denny's and ate off the Fit Fare menu but wished we were eating Hobbit Breakfast and red velvet pound puppies. To reward myself for not ordering a hobbit breakfast,  I ate the rest of the minty M&Ms from Christmas. And a part of a Symphony bar. And an orange. Dammit.

* * * *

I learned a little Winter Hibernation can be fun.



Sharron said…
Haw haw, extra good frozen post! Glad you took that Bromance shot with the Reverend today, since TOMORROW...
Garit D Heaton said…
What are "Hobbit Breakfast and red velvet pound puppies"?

And you shouldn't feel bad about eating an orange in any circumstance. imo.

What episode of Dr. Who?!!! I am obsessed with that show. Did you watch this year's Christmas special? Also, your animals are so stinking cute. :)

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