I have too much on my plate. I know that. I have ambition to cut back. But I'm a procrastinator so I know that will probably take awhile to get around to cutting back. And in the meantime, I had to make peace with this as my life, because heaven knows it's not the last time that I will be in this place, if not worse.
It was a terrible time to get a puppy. I see that now. I wish I could have AT LEAST finished reinstalling the newly painted cupboard doors of the kitchen before we got a puppy. But we didn't. We went and looked at a field of sad dirty puppies, and our puppy was right there in the middle of them. We never had a single question once we saw him, and before we'd even signed the check, I was already a damn dog owner. A damn dog owner with no cupboard doors.
But in between puppy accidents and missing leashes and yapping and not sleeping, there's been these genuinely cool moments. I take him out when I wake up around 5:45 to do his business, and the moon has been so bright that I can play with my hilarious wierdo puppy on our lawn before I go to work. He bounces around me like a tether ball, chews on my rainboots, and then runs as fast as he can until he trips on his own paws and falls over. It's like happy crack for my day.
That pattern has somewhat repeated at the barn. It's not very convenient, and it has not been smooth and easy. But in between the extra hours at the barn and packing my horse bag at 6am and feeling like I have to learn how to ride ALL OVER AGAIN to ride this horse, I have incredible highs when everything clicks and I am falling into perfect rhythm with a huge powerful animal. I have been learning, I have been growing, and I see a marked improvement in my abilities since I started. Yes, this is vital to my equestrian ambition, but YOU GUYS, it was ridiculously fun. Duh. I forgot that I freaking love doing this for a second, and then I remembered. And life was better.
I have given up spare time for the things I love most, and the payback is not always worth it. But the "aha moment" was that when it is worth it, I need to shut up and enjoy it. No, swim in it. bask in it. Fill that canteen up for the other days and feel it deep down and inject it into by bones. It's true at my job, at the barn, with the dog, with the God, with the man, and on the writing webs. Go for the good feelings, and don't gloss over it when they come.
That's good stuff right there, y'all.
Fun at Work.
Fun with Friends.
Fun while commuting. Yes, even while commuting.