A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Altar

I got married and my body changed.

I didn't gain weight, I didn't really lose it (although in the months leading up to our nuptials, I gradually took my figure to a place good enough that when I see the pictures, I see the beautiful moments and I wasn't obsessed over "another 5 pounds!" or something ridiculous like that.)

But somewhere between I do and I did, I apparently got a little bit older. Not "my back hurts a lot" old, or "I should probably start giving some thought to my 401K" old, but most definitely a "I should not have eaten that whole thing" old.

I'm not mourning my metabolism, per say. I still praise the high heavens that my metabolism allows me to ingest what I do every day. It's totally unfair. If I ate like normal people instead of like Miss Piggy, I would look like Kate Middleton by now. I know, go ahead and hate me. I'll wait.

But, you guys, here is my problem: eating bad food makes me feeeeeel bad.

How rude.

Suddenly, I can't eat two of my sibby's Sunday night peanut butter bars without wanting to take it back.  I can't finish a quesadilla explosion salad at Chili's anymore.  Sometimes, I look at an empty box of Domino's and cry, and not just because it's gone, but because I feel nauseous and sluggish. And I ordered the thin crust!  THIN CRUST PIZZA IS CHILD'S PLAY, AMIRIGHT?

So, I'm going on a cleanse of sorts. My body has been so angry at me, this is really the least that I can do to apologize. I thought about cutting out meat or dairy or gluten, or going paleo or all broth or something else extreme, but in the end, I know what my body is trying to tell me. It wants real food. It wants real ingredients, fresh ingredients, and nothing that comes in a box for at least a month. It wants lettuce, chicken, tomatoes, watermelon, and beans. And for crying out loud, would a little quantity moderation hurt?

I started today with some plain greek yogurt and strawberries, and skipped coffee and snack bars. I had fresh soup full of flavor and protein.  It needed more veggies. Dan is coming to Salt Lake, so I think we will hit up Chipotle for happy meat on a bed of greens. I have had a debilitating caffeine problem for about two years now, and I need to come to grips with that. Today was my first caffeine free day at work in a long time, and it was hard, but it will get better. I know that's what my body is asking for.

And you know, I'm excited! I'm excited to finally give my body what it deserves. It hauled playpens across eastern Europe, it climbed mountains, it swam in the Mediterranean, and it walked up and down and up and down the National Mall (in heels) without complaint.  It houses my everything. I can do better. And I really, really, really like my body, even if it doesn't look like Rhianna's.

Go forth and treat your body like the amazing treasure of evolution that it is. Have a bell pepper.

Also, this is very bad news for Corn Dogs. Temporary bad news. Because banning corn dogs forever would be silly. 


Garit D Heaton said…
Yay! I support your new quest! Stick with it!
Celeste said…
Ah man... this is a good topic. I eat pretty poorly (especially lately) but because I have a good metabolism, I don't look like it. But man, do I feel it.

I wish we weren't so focused on how we look; I think it would make it much more apparent to us when we need to change the way we eat.

Good luck! You can do it. And when you come to dinner at our house, we will support your diet. :)

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