12.13.2011

Undead Anxieties.

My sister Alissa is an avid horror fan. She can watch anything without grimacing. As a kid she used to have these terrible night-terrors, and I don’t know if somehow those desensitized her, or if she is able to watch horror movies in spite of it. I wonder what she thinks.

I like most horror movies. I like Zombieland. I enjoyed Resident Evil. I love the ole’ black and white psychological thrillers like Vertigo, the Birds, and my favorite, The Haunting. The great thing about a horror movie, is that at worst, it can only be awful and torturous for at most, an hour forty five minutes. After that, you pop in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and it’s like it didn’t happen. (Unless you have nightmares that night that an Undead Joey Fatone is chasing you down the aisle of a Greek Orthodox Church. True Story. Ruined *NSYNC for me. )

But this methodology doesn’t apply when I signed on for The Walking Dead on AMC. Instead, they can torture you over several months with the long drawn out zombie apocalypse, and sometimes it just feels, so, REAL. It doesn’t exactly frighten me, it just makes me extremely anxious.

The least disturbing reference I could find to this show.




I am an anxious person by nature. I wring my hands if I arrive any later than 2 hours prior to a flight (3 for international). When my boss says “don’t worry!”, in relation to ANYTHING, I worry more than if he’d said not to worry. What did he THINK I would be worried about?? I tend to misinterpret conversations to err on the side of dismal. It’s a terrible thing.

The good news is, I have a new full-proof (ex-nay on the dead Joey atone-Fay) solution to Episodic Undead Anxiety:

Walking Dead Knitting.

This involves a single plain knit stitch over and over and over and over and over and over and over (40 across) until the visions stop and the nausea subsides, and I remember that it’s make-believe. Also, I think it’s harder to be anxious about a zombie if you picture him admiring your folksy handiwork instead of attacking you.


"Does this scarf make my bony butt look big?"


Speaking of zombies, the husband of my other sister is currently teaching a course on Zombies at Johns Hopkins. You go, Bro! My family is so cool (and well equipped to survive an undead apocalypse, as it turns out. As long as I have yarn.)



.

4 comments:

Sharron said...

your old ma is not so cool. i could never ever watch this series after your recent description of it to me. i think i could still watch The Haunting for the millionth time, but....maybe not. i guess i'm so old that life has skeered me off enough all on its own. not sure how i would fare against a zombie apocolypse, but can you run away from zombies on a fast horse? or a big zombie-like mule? maybe i'll be ok then~

Alissa Rae King said...

where did you get that picture?! and how do I get it on a t-shirt?!

This is why we used to let you cry a little longer when you were a baby, it's how babies develop coping skills for the cruel world. I think it's called "learning to self sooth" and has been known to contribute to an extended thumb sucking habit. Now, in your time of need? It has all paid off!

Scaves for zombies! In case their protruding organs get cold...

And to answer your question, I usually don't grimace because I'm too busy cackling. That's me, loving mother of two, married 11 years, and sort of psychopath. Only the good parts.

ps have you seen the movie with the sheep zombies that take over a farm in Ireland? Apparently it was required for anyone who had ever been a Lamb Queen, but it. was. GRUESOME! hahaha

Alissa Rae King said...

*scarves* ugh... brains....

Daniel T said...

Funny you should ask that Sharron. According to the Walking Dead, the answer to your question is an emphatic NO! You cannot run away from zombies on a fast horse. Just take my word for it. No amount of knitting was going to save Lorraine from that particular scene. Yikes.