12.24.2011

This is Why.

I told Dan this morning that for all my eagerness to take him back to Washington, I had some anxieties about parts of it. I'm eager to show him the battlefields, and to introduce him to friends, but I have reservations when it comes to showing him the House of Representatives.

My time at the House was some of the most significant and moving portions of my life, but it was also a debilitating crossroad. Up to that point, my entire focus after the age of 18 had been about living a transient, career-driven, solitary life. That's how I had pleasantly envisioned myself. Unpinned, independent, a gringo Sasha Fierce with a passport like Hillary Clinton's. So it has always been beyond strange to me that at the exact moment that I was offered a transient, solitary and amazing independent job in Australia, in a post that would likely eventually lead me back to the Committee, I chose not to follow. I chose a path more pinned, in an act seemingly entirely against my nature and ambitions. I had confused and hurt only myself, and I couldn't provide myself with many answers.

I never understood fully until today why I made the choice I did. Not even when I walked down the aisle to marry Dan would I have said "This is why." Today was the day, on my first full day as a 26 year-old, sitting across from him drinking coffee in Grand Central Station in New  York City, with a million people walking in circles around our quiet world, that I realized, "This is why."  I know, from today forward, there will be terrible days, and tragedies, and frustrations and exhaustions, but now I know, in my future, there will be a million chances to sigh contentedly, clutch his hand, and think "this is why."

Merry Christmas Eve, to One and All.

1 comment:

Garit D Heaton said...

Hey, I really loved this. It touched me. Seeing you both so happy has done a lot for me. Thanks again and bless you both.