Monday is a terrible day for a rock concert. I got to see one of my favorite bands play an amazing show, and I just...wasn't mentally present for it. Usually I have all this time to relish it and bask in anticipation, thinking about all the songs I want to hear. In the case of the utterly epic portland trip to see the Decemberists, I got to spend days thinking about it, and felt fully prepared for what would wash over me.
Attending Arcade Fire, I raced from work through the usual 5pm traffic crawl down I-15, changed out of my office clothes and raced from will call to the floor in a sweaty mind-numbed haze after a long day at work. I was utterly non-present for the evening. The stage was short and the crowd was tall, so I only caught tiny glimpses of the band. Mostly I closed my eyes and listened- to the people yell-talking right behind me about their boyfriends and their favorite food and what they should do after the show, as if the band they came to see was not onstage right that second singing their hearts out. I could be angry at them, but really, I was suffering a different fate from the same problem- Suburbia. The humdrum 12 hours leading up to the show had sucked the life right out of me. And if you've listened to the Suburbs album by Arcade Fire, you know just how ironic that is. I had spurts of feeling and creativity through the show, moments of revelation, but the lack of feeling at all was the true power of the moment. It's left me feeling anxious and drained this week.
the weekend promises long hours apart from Dan, and little respite before the week ahead. I'm craving something bigger than all this, but I know that to get there, I will have to exercise great patience. Or at least, that's what my therapist told me the Universe is trying to tell me. She's always right.
The good news is, I also had some really terrible things happen to other people this week that reminded that I married this awesome dude who I hate to be apart from, and that our life together is a pretty special thing in this crazy world. I know, I know, we're newlyweds and filled with "feelings" that will change, but I also know something powerful and good when I see it. And he's standing right in front of me. Actually, he's at work right now, and then I have 2 evening events in a row for work this weekend, and then Dan's driving to Montana, and then...like I said, a long weekend ahead.
Dazed, but Lucky. Totally naming my next horse that.