If there was group therapy for busy women and their hair, I would be in there confessing my shortcomings and trying to do better every week.
Hi, my name is Lorraine, and I want to look incredibly hot with an extremely minimal amount of time and effort. My poor hair has been sober for 25 years, and could probably use a stiff drink. Have you lost track of this analogy yet? Me too. Throw a Charlie Sheen reference in there somewhere while you're at it. But my hair is definitely closer to bi-polar than bi-winning; probably just polar, without the bi. polarized to the bad side.
So, I've been thinking about bangs, about Pixie cuts, and have had insane fantasies of G.I. Janing it, because I think the women who do it are GORGEOUS. And they spend 10 minutes in the shower, and 0 minutes with a blowdryer screaming in their face.
The crux of the problem is my naturally curly hair-which had its 15 minutes of fashion fame when Christina Aguilera's hair was all WHOA and Shakira's hair, like her hips, didn't lie- just doesn't do easy. I wish so much that I could give my hair to someone who cared, and I could have my sisters' gorgeous brunette shiny straight and ever so manageable hair. (psssst...I think both my sisters actually might be able to...gasp...let it air dry! tears of jealousy do not stop.)
In the meantime, as I sort out the folicles and ideas that emerge from the inner workings of my blasted skull, I present my dream hair if I had a long face instead of a round face, and a stylist instead of a dayjob.
Curse you, Sarah Jessica Parker.