I'm almost too mortified to admit this, except that it seems a little ridiculous, and possibly entertaining for someone to read. So I'm admitting to this.
The secretary brings in a big ass plate of cookies to the office. How nice. It really is. She offers one to me at her desk, and I want it, but I resist. An hour later, SHE BRINGS THE COOKIES TO MY DESK, and again, in desperation to stick to my new healthy regimine of kicking crap and caffiene from my diet, I resist. Not an hour later, she goes to lunch and says "could you watch the phones? and oh, if you change your mind, the cookies are still on my desk."
I'm only human, people.
So I sneak into the kitchen to get a plastic knife and a napkin, come back, cut a cookie in half (which people in our office do ALL THE TIME) and take the napkin and the cookie to my desk, feeling satisfied and guilty. Guilty for eating the calories, and NOTHING else.
The next thing I know, the secretary is back and whining in a voice the whole office can hear about how "someone took HALF A COOKIE. HALF A COOKIE! Who would just TAKE half a cookie? that's disgusting! Anyone want half a cookie now?" and everyone goes "EWWWW!!!! Some people are so filthy. No manners at all. Don't worry about it, it's not your fault that some people were obviously BORN IN A BARN."
I wish I'd been born in a barn, because that would be terribly fitting, but I was born in a hospital, and had no idea that cutting a cookie and leaving half was filthy. In the meantime I just sink lower and lower in my seat, turn red, and have chosen to hide behind paperwork the rest of the day.
I feel like propriety is a skill of mine- did I really go that far off the deep end? Did they know it was me and wanted to make me sore about it? Or is it completely INSANE to attack someone for this when there is CLEARLY an office precedent for breaking down sweets into less guilty sizes?!!?!